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| Earth with Plastic Rings: Image by Gemini |
Last night I had the strangest dream
Clear and yet fantastic --
I dreamed the the world had found a way
To say farewell to plastic.
Aboard the Flying Saucer X
January 8, 2030
The world’s richest man has a new scheme and a new company that promises to end the problem of excess plastic waste. Elong Mush wants to shoot it into space, and make it a celestial tourist attraction rivaling the rings of Saturn. Beyond that, he says orbiting trash can also solve the world’s climate crisis
“Let’s stop kidding ourselves,” Mush told reporters at a news conference aboard his personal space station, Flying Saucer X. “Ninety-nine percent of the plastic junk we put in recycling bins ends up in landfill. And with the seas rising a foot a year, we are rapidly running out of land to fill.”
Mush’s new company is called XS, and will be run by his nine-year-old son X. The two unveiled plans to use battery-powered garbage compacters to crush plastic waste into huge cylinders, which would be shot into orbit daily by Mush’s Space-X rockets. The cylinders would be painted silver and gold to reflect the sun’s rays back into space.
Within ten years, claims Mush, the orbiting cylinders would appear as rings around the earth — “a golden diadem for our gentle blue giant,” said X Mush, reading from a press release. The rings would be visible from any point in the universe, according to the nine-year-old, who received a replica of the Hubble space telescope as a Christmas present from his father.
X also predicted the plastic rings would reduce sunlight on earth by up to ten percent, and lower global temperatures by 2.5 degrees Celsius, solving the climate crisis. Elong Mush said the plan has the full blessing of King Donald and the royal family. He added that Prince Barron is eager to press the button that will launch the first plastic refuse into orbit. At that point, X interrupted his father, arguing that as CEO of XS, he should get to go first. An altercation ensued and the news conference was cut short.
The remainder of this article has been redacted by the US Ministry of Culture.
-- Copyright 2025 by Tom Phillips
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